reanimatrix: (Default)
I've suddenly been struck by the fact that I'm in a pretty abusive situation right now.
reanimatrix: (Default)
If I yell when I'm having a bad day it's my fault, if you yell at me when you're having a bad day it's my fault too? Okay.
reanimatrix: (Default)
Okay so now we're going to pretend like mages are NOT treated like shit everywhere outside Tevinter to justify Fenris' MAN PAIN
lksdafdfhjkdafdhsfajkldhfjkldads

I hate everything.
reanimatrix: (Default)
I feel better but I will never ever forget this.
Things are no long the same and never will be.
For one thing I'm going to start looking for a significant other.
I thought I was just happy with being bff with my bff but I think bff means something to me that it doesn't to her, so... yeah. I need something else.
reanimatrix: (Default)
sorry I'm just in a really bad awful headspace right now and I can't talk about it to anyone because no one cares and they'll just lecture me on my meds and that's NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW
reanimatrix: (Default)
and they don't understand what I need the most. They think what I need the most is hard love and schooling and lectures and arguments and telling me I'm crazy

You don't know what I need, I KNOW what I need. I'm telling you what I need and you refuse to give it to me.
reanimatrix: (Default)
That moment when you realize your Moirail isn't your moirail after all because when you need them most they turn their back on you

and when you try to argue your stance all you get is "no you're wrong" and they won't even give you what you need the most, because they don't understand how much you need it and even if they did they wouldn't be willing to give it even if you would be willing to give it to them if they needed it as badly as you need this right now

and I'm never going to find someone like that, I know that.

but you know I reblogged this thing on tumblr that was pretty much like "remember you carried yourself when everyone else was trying to sink you" and I said my friends and family would never try to sink me

well they're not trying to sink me but they're adding weights and they're not offering the life jacket I'm begging for.

and I want to hurt myself right now, no I want to kill myself right now, and there's something they could do that could make me feel better and I've told them and they won't.
reanimatrix: (Default)
So sick of feeling like an alien. At this point in my life I might take the lobotomy if it was offered.
reanimatrix: (Default)
That moment when you realize you are a source of negativity and chaos and bad things happening and you should probably just... lock yourself away somewhere where you can't hurt anyone
but you would be so lonely.

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Poeryth

November 2013

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